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Thoughts on becoming a better man

I had planned to follow up on the cardio post from the other day.

But I can’t, not just yet.

The fall out from the last few days drama is still occurring.

And while I’ve had a lot of people who are nit in the industry asking who I’m talking about or what they did, I’m deliberately not saying. I will put something in my closed Facebook Group, maybe talk about it in person.

But I’ll not be involved in internet gossip.

So what are we talking about today?

We’re talking about being a good man.

Not a nice man.

Or an effeminate man.

A good man.

Or in other words, not being a dick

What follows is just my opinion, choose to agree or disagree. Part of being a good man involves developing your own opinions.

So lets start there. Opinions. Have them. Stand by them. And be ready to drop them, change them or revise them in a heart beat.

This quote seems to be attributed to several different people, but the message is unaffected by the accuracy of this meme

How do develop opinions?

Experience. And learning. But mostly experience.

Yes that means what you stand for as a teen will be different to what you stand for as a 20 something, different again as a 30 something and so on. Assuming of course you have actually gone out and experienced a few things in that time.

I’m a big believer that you MUST get hurt, yo must pick up some scars. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, whatever -el you like, but get some miles on the clock, collect stories, build callouses, become experienced and interesting.

Along this journey you will have your opinions challenged, and that is the point.

Without challenge, how do you know if your opinions hold water?

How do you know if you’re right?

My first piece of advice to all young upcoming trainers that I’ve worked with is to read as much as possible, ESPECIALLY from sources they disagree with. While they don’t have miles on the clock yet from dealing with clients, they can get some miles on the clock in challenging their opinions. I’d be half the coach I am now if I only read stuff I agreed with.

Swap ideas, opinions, stories and experiences with people.

Just as we challenge our bodies in the gym,  we challenge our thought processes.

Next big point. And I think this is a huge point.

Go without.


Learn to rely on nothing but yourself.

I reckon this is more valid now than it was in my youth, especially in my parents youth. We have everything to hand. I bet you’re reading this on a nice mobile device connected to an wireless internet signal while you’re sipping on a barrista coffee.

We live in luxury.

Get away from it.

What’s the best way to challenge your opinions and experience some struggle?


On a serious budget.

I have been on every continent in my life time, often with less than a few hundred quid to my name. I’ve slept in fields, on floors, in airports (a week in Hing Kong Airport after the weather chased me out of my wild campsite on Lantau)

I’ve gone hungry.

I’ve met people who earn less in a year than I do in a week, who have brought me into their home and offered me food.

These are my top tips for becoming a good man. Essentially find excuses to struggle, to experience difficulty and over come it.

It’s not meant to be easy.

Last thing. Develop your own Jimney Cricket.

Essentially a bit of you that is always you, always guiding you, always watching you. Mediatation and Chi Gung is a big help in this, I can’t recommend it enough (hence why I created these video tutorials) Listen to Jimney, he’s your second thoughts

“First Sight means you can see what really is there, and Second Thoughts mean thinking about what you are thinking. ”

― Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight 

First sight and second thoughts. Powerful stuff.

Second thoughts, or Jimney, doesn’t get drunk, don’t forget who they really, truly are, or more importantly, who they want to become.

And I’m going to call it there before I start going on like that Jordan Peterson fella.

I’ll be back to fitness related posts soon.

But til then, lets try to be better men

And Ladies, no I haven’t forgotten you. But my XY chromosomes mean I’m not the best qualified to speak for you lot.


Dave Hedges

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